Impermanence so it seems

http://apicalbeat.wordpress.com

I welcome the new year with a new website. My new home. Please visit!

Happy New Year, my precious two readers! Hahaha.

Second Anniversary

And before I knew it, I have spent two growing years in this hospital. What was once called as “the last resort” for employment became a place where I experienced unspeakable hardships, developed interpersonal skills and emotional management, and met wonderful people, an unlikely family. The organization chart tells me I am two steps behind the seniority of our head nurse.

Sure people tell me I am a lot more knowledgeable than the others, as I was privileged to have experienced working at critical special areas (ER and ICU). However, something tells me I haven’t done enough. Oh, how many times did I let my duty pass by just for the heck of letting it finish? I am neither striving for perfection nor settling for the easy way out; there is just something that I should have done but I did not. I will not blame lack of skills or experience for I believe I have seen more (though not all) plus I have competently surpassed each hurdle. Rather, I blame this to the stagnancy of the knolwedge base; the laziness to go back to the basics.

They have always emphasized that being a nurse means learning continuously, as the principles develop through the years. Now that I am in the second year of my career, I will saw I haven’t learned enough. I am relatively still a junior nurse in comparison to the specialists who have dedicated 10-20 years of their lives in this profession. Finally, the thirst for knowledge has been acquired. Can I call this passion? I guess so, but I am doing this primarily for the people - the patients - who deserve more of the care than they presently acquire.

12. Purple

Today, I wore purple in memory of the three gay men who were killed due to discrimination to the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) community. I grew up in a Catholic environment, and even studied in a private Catholic school, but I really do not see the reason why humans do not allow their fellows to love another just because they are of the same gender.

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11. Race

Rural living has always charmed me. Unfortunately, I live south of the metropolis so the urban life is something I have gotten used to. But the closest I could get to have a taste of a quiet life is early mornings, around five in the morning. The world is silent, the air is fresh, the streets more or less empty, perfect for a jog. It is in such time when the city is closest to nature. Ah, it is the picture of a perfect life.  

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10. Rise

I like the local Nescafe commercial with the tagline, “Para kanino ka bumabangon?” (Loosely trranslated as “Who are your reasons for rising up?”) The difference between “gising” (waking up) and “bangon” (rising up) is striking. Waking up means living and getting by the routine, while rising up means living more purposively, always standing back up everytime life beats you down.

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Soldier

There you go. The above picture is the 4 cm x 5 cm lump that was removed from my left breast. Next is a self-photograph in relation to this entry’s title. I looked like a soldier who has survived a battle.

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Sick Leave

The day has arrived. I will be undergoing an operation. The lump on my left breast will be removed and will undergo biopsy. Thinking it is done in an outpatient basis, I thought of going to work after a day of proper rest, but of course the doctors won’t agree. They advised me at least a week of rest, which I won’t adhere, at all. Haha. In as much as I don’t want to leave my work, my head nurse advised me to consume my sick leaves instead because she knew the financial losses I would incur. So, yes I am on leave for three full days. Probably I will catch up with my “hitorigoto” by posting up my accumulated essays. Then, an update of my music player, plus a reorganization of my computer files. Then I shall… hmm. What else? My schedule is pretty much free.

Here’s to three full days of rest, and probably some moments of self-evaluation. The fear for this afternoon’s operation is getting clearer. I’ll be facing the operating table and the surgeon on my own.

Background Music: NTT (Presented by Junnosuke Taguchi) - GIRLS

09. Blood

In times of trouble and problems, I have the tendency of shying away from the crowd. I am never the type to ask for sympathy or tell my problems as they occur; the storytelling part just burdens me even more. Solitude becomes my bestfriend. It takes me days, even weeks, to pick myself up again. This explains my mysterious disappearances or the impression that I am too aloof and distant with my friends. I am used to think like that; I get by, but lately I realized the importance of letting it out on great companions who I trust.

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Voice

Having a sore throat sucks. Being a nurse, especially one that caters to children. my voice serves as a tool to establish my bonds with my patients, and I feel bad for having abused it too much today. This is the third consecutive day I haven’t eaten or drank anything during my eight hours duty because of so many things to do. Imagine handling 10-14 patients all by yourself, being the nurse in charge plus the medications nurse! It also feels bad when the people before your shift didn’t do things properly… it feels so unfair.

I tried my best to uplift my spirits for my patients’ sake but one mother managed to ruin it for me. She was totally being demanding about her son, who was incidentally put in a room with another child who was suspected of foot and mouth disease (late detection). I have been reiterating that the said disease isn’t contagious through air, rather it is being disseminated through contaminated food or body excreta only. She wasn’t fully convinced, and if that isn’t enough, she even had the nerve to rant about it loudly on me and the resident doctor on the nurses’ station. It was really plain annoying to have her there. The attending physicians have already pacified her doubts over the phone but she remained super skeptical and angry about it. It was simply awful to work with her around. Thank goodness the explanations sank to her around half an hour later and she became much calmer. We could only sigh deeply in relief after the incident.  Each of us are given with the voice to express ourselves, but today I realized that not everyone uses that voice of reason properly.

Then there was this patient who had been super febrile the entire shift, and it caused the delay of her blood transfusion. The blood was already available, and I raced against time in order to give it to her before it passes its expiration date. After so many phone calls and some irritated remarks from the patient’s attending physicians, I managed to give it accordingly. Hence… right now, my legs are sore. I am ultimately hungry and I feel so sleepy. I just had to let things out in this blog before serving myself a bowl of rice and sardines, YUM! Good night.   

Radio

Final moments of NU 107. One can feel the love of the fans outside the booth.

Back to the days when life was simpler and internet was a luxury, the radio was our best friend. My sister was brave enough to venture at the end of the dial, and we definitely didn’t regret that decision. We have come to discover the greatness named the NU 107.5 (previously known as DWNU) FM station. Yes, it was over ten years ago, yet the fond memories are still clear. Hey, my memories are far clearer than their signal! With this, my first memory is how I strived to arrange the radio’s antenna meticulously just to catch their ever-elusive signal.

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