09. Blood

In times of trouble and problems, I have the tendency of shying away from the crowd. I am never the type to ask for sympathy or tell my problems as they occur; the storytelling part just burdens me even more. Solitude becomes my bestfriend. It takes me days, even weeks, to pick myself up again. This explains my mysterious disappearances or the impression that I am too aloof and distant with my friends. I am used to think like that; I get by, but lately I realized the importance of letting it out on great companions who I trust.

There are very few times when I asked for a crying shoulder. Once was regarding a heartbreak, and the other occurred recently. You see, I committed a crime in the workplace, insubordination to be exact. As a punishment, I was threatened to be kicked out of the institution. I bore it all in, wearing a poker face as I go to work every day. But you ought to know, I was actually breaking inside. This is my work, the place I learned to love over a year, and now I am about to say goodbye because of a crime I didn’t commit? I tried not to think too muich, but everytime it haunts me, the hurt simply doubles. I came home that day too worn out, almost at my breaking point.

But then, the next day I looked at my Facebook and at my phone. Messages of support and encouragement were sent by people, some of them were even the people I don’t work closely with. I teared up as I read and replied to each message. The next days I went to work, I was greeted by my workmates more frequently; they asked me how I was. Warmth and support were evident; I knew they believed I didn’t do anything wrong. They were even ready to defend me should the administrators hold an investigation about it. I hate to sound so sentimental, but I felt so loved those times, and for the months to come.

I realized one important thing: my coworkers are like blood. We aren’t necessarily in close terms, but they appeared when I was wounded. Some acted as the platelets which made the wound smaller through words of encouragement. Others were like white blood cells which increased my adaptation through humor, not to mention bottles of beer and tons of food and karaoke. While the others were like red blood cells to make me tougher by becoming inspirations for me to strive harder, to prove my attackers that I am not weak. And yes, you have just read my medical geekiness.

Hence, up to this date, when I walk in the emergency department, I take one good look at them, and remember the times I almost gave up working in the hospital because I hated how “cold” they seemed. Thankfully I didn’t, because if I did, I wouldn’t have met such wonderful and real people who formed me into the tough cookie I am now. 

-mia-

09/10/2010 (date originally written)